Dueling imaginary friends doom Hawkins' Wheaton College tenure

Both Wheaton College Professor Larycia Hawkins and Wheaton College Provost Stanton Jones have an imaginary friend. He goes by the name God and is said to represent Christianity, a religion practiced by 2.2 billion believers, roughly a third of our nearly 7 billion souls. For the last nine years Hawkins has been by all accounts, an excellent teacher of political science to hundreds of Wheaton College students. As a black female, Hawkins has also injected much needed diversity into the Wheaton College faculty, and has their near unanimous support.

Alas, Hawkins' humanistic outreach to her students and all mankind, for that matter, didn't matter to Provost Jones, who took umbrage to Hawkins' attempt to practice the best values of Christianity, by extending hope and justice to the Muslim community, suffering worldwide hatred, suspicion, even violence by many, including professed Christians. Jones, self appointed arbiter of what constitutes good Christianity at Wheaton, was horrified that Hawkins would even hint that Wheaton's Christian God isn't the only God worth valuing. Jones upholds the evangelical belief that no other religion's God can ever be recognized, much less put on a par with Wheaton College's One True God.

That led to Jones and Wheaton suspending the tenured Hawkins, beginning termination proceedings worthy of a Stalinist Show Trial in terms of forcing Hawkins to recant her ideological apostasy. The students pushed back, not caring a whit about how many angels dance on the head of pin when it comes to dumping a beloved teacher and mentor. The faculty pushed back; their governing body voting unanimously to have Provost Jones drop his weird witch hunt for heretics. Many decent, wise alums pushed back, vowing to put their considerable donations on more humanistic endeavors.

To resolve this messy matter the two parties bumped heads in private. Jones apologized to Hawkins and the Wheaton College community for being a jerk, and Hawkins agreed to take her considerable teaching talents elsewhere. Given her now worldwide respect and acclaim, she can no doubt find a considerably more supportive and nurturing academic environment elsewhere.

And Jones? He's stuck at Wheaton College in disgrace, no doubt having difficulty looking any student, faculty member or alum square in the eye again. Oh well, he's still got his imaginary 'One True God' friend to give him solace.