"Scuse me while I self destruct"

The massive report of the United States Anti Doping Agency chronicling Lance Armstrong's decade long leadership of a cycle racing doping enterprise that brought him seven Tour de France titles and fame to the US racing organization, reads like something of which Al Capone would be proud.


Although Armstrong managed to never test positive for performance enhancing drugs, we now know that:

Armstrong and fellow teammates had their blood extracted to await a Tour de France ascent up a steep mountain where it could be re-entered into their bloodstream to provide an oxygen boost

Armstrong routinely demanded that fellow teammates adhere to their team doctor's doping regiment if they wanted to stay on the team

Numerous fellow cyclists testified Armstrong depended on EPO, testosterone and blood transfusions to achieve his otherwise incomprehensible seven straight Tour de France titles.

Armstrong's former wife handed out cortisone tablets to the team during the 1998 world championships

Riders were given water bottles containing EPO as if they were boxed lunches

One teammate described how Armstrong squirted a mixture of testosterone and olive oil into his mouth during the 1999 Tour de France

Armstrong paid disgraced doping doctor Michele Ferrari over a million dollars between 1996 through 2006, including for two years after he testified under oath in 2004 that he had severed all business ties to Dr. Ferrari

Teammates had a clever song about the banned substance EPO they sang to the Jimi Hendrix tune "Purple Haze"

"EPO all in my veins; Lately things don't seem the same; Actin' funny, but I don't know why; Scuse me while I pass this guy"

Armstrong could very appropriately sing that song today by just substituting "self destruct" for "pass this guy".